Friday, July 1, 2011

Facedom - Orevwa

It's such a tiny place and amazing that FB is so popular and in reality the whole of the population should be 'Friends' or even PF 'Pretend Friends'. That would be good, on your FB Home Page you could section it, RF (real friends) and PF....the PF's are those that befriend you because you chatted at a party briefly and they stayed friendly thinking you might be a useful on-island contact and also they want as many friends as a teenager showing up on their profile. Once you have seen through them, realised their on island business is as fake as their 'err company' profile and you won't in fact be sending any poor unsuspecting punters their way, you are suddenly but silently unfriended. This takes a while to sink in, usually when you realise you haven't seen the 'I'm so busy and stressed out (sitting at my beachside bar and lolling by the river)' posts and upon realisation there is a real urge to FR them again with both of you pretending you'd never been Friends or even BFF in the first place.

Photos, umm, now we are told at every turn and corner never ever to post our children online because in 10 years time do we really want them googled and up comes a shot from FB that might not be quite so flattering afterall, so that's a no no so what else can we post? What time we got up, where our next plate of lobster is coming from, how many bottles of Cristal we have in the fridge for the weekend, what time we went to bed, reinventing our name overnight (that's an island favourite along with seeing Mick Jagger here), the rise of peanut farms on remote mountain tops etc? Then there's the big wait for the pats on the back, wow you look like so amazingly FAB, praise for adorable, as they all are, completely of course, children, as if you're really going to say 'little Johnny actually looks very dumpy and grumpy today and quite honestly, with the pounds you've put on recently at the Dasheenfest, a one piece swimming costume, preferably corsetted, would be far more flattering', empathy at the lack of goat's cheese on island but endless goats, and the can't resist statement, definitely after several rum punches, how wonderful life is because everyone here is clearly living the dream, bien sur.

As for the Party Invites, that's nigh on impossible on island to get away with. A friend recently catered for a hotel opening party and was told by the hosts that a few friends were coming over. Another friend wasted no time telling her the next day how wonderful her food had been at the opening party and where was she....she clearly wasn't 'On The FB List'. And, what on earth does 'In a relationship with' mean.......why not be really specific and spell it out like the rest of the site seems to.....we want the juicy details!

Last but not least Livestockville, Groceryville, Breathingville, Toenailsville, just get real-ville quite frankly. Why would you want everyone to buy bananas for your monkeys when you have real ones in your back garden. Possibly a few monkeys too. And, furthermore, who wants to water your grass when it's quite clearly rainy season........umm, maybe Hurricaneville would be quite apt afterall.......