Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I Love You Just The Way You Are

The expat women are quite hippy like here hey love?
Hippy like?
Yeah, you know....skinny, no bras or makeup, well, uniquely fashionable....
Ummm, so what are you telling me?
Well, d'you think you'll become like that?
I dunno really.
What do you mean, you dunno, you know you can buy some stuff online in the States and I'll bring it back. Or I'll buy it when I'm over there on business for you.
Cool, thanks love.
Well, what do you fancy, a t-shirt?
No, dresses and make-up then please.
I'm not getting clothes unless you tell me exactly what you want.
Ok then, make-up. I want the vibrating mascara.
Come again?
There's this new mascara that looks really cool - Chloe saw it on TV.
What do I ask for exactly? I'm not saying vibrating mascara.
Fine, don't get me anything.
Don't get stroppy.
I'm not - you just said you didn't want me to turn into a saggy boobed, unfashionable pale faced hippy and I just said mascara would be good start.
Well, write it down and I'll just hand it to the shop assistant.
They will think you're a right weirdo and just send you back to Aisle 15 or whatever.
I dunno anyway what it's called.
Google it.
Ok. Got It. Maybelline Vibrating Mascara - how difficult is that?
How does it run then?
Derrr, on batteries of course.
Forget it, I'm not bringing a vibrating mascara full (!) of batteries back through American customs.
Whatever, you asked.
Mutter mutter, ridiculous, batteries, make-up, mutter mutter......stomp off.

No worries. Avon's reached Dominica. Slip, slap, slop.

It does look a bit lethal though hey, one wrong move and you're blind.

Next I'll be in Birkenstocks, not.


claudia said...

Wow, I never saw this one in belgium, pitty!!!
I will check if they exist here in Trinidad, if yes you are a lucky one.

Fiona said...

Claudia - you are already my BFF by sending in Belgian chocolates by a third party private courier. How can you possibly top that?

Chris said...

Andy's quite right.
How about grinding up some charcoal and mixing with a little papaya juice. Organic, eco, and just as good.

Quite probably.

Anya said...

I LOVE reading your posts. This is so funny it made my mascara run. Make sure the Maybelline is waterproof. Please write a book!

TropicallyTied said...

I vote for the book too. Go on Fi. Twould be a best seller. Then you could buy yourself some mascara and lippy and Lord Ollie could continue to be kept in the manner in which he is accustomed...and you can courier me chocolates and scented candles from time to time