So, living on top of the moutain, I get to be a shuttle service really. All sorts come and go and I never have a clue if I see the same person twice - must open my eyes more. During these trips my passenger door handle has been broken three times and I have given out more donations than I care to recall. Me and my friend Tim here are shortly going to enrol at the 'Learn to say no' school.
Anyway, yesterday I got flagged down at the bus stop which is rare as these folks usually are there for a reason. Anyway, this is how it went:-
Hi, how are you? (that's me)
Going to the bottom?
At this point I never know whether to continue conversations or not, generally it's not as thats when I get guided into donation mode. However, I was feeling chatty, no it doesn't come naturally.
So, what do you do for a living?
I'm a drugs dealer.
Oh, that's nice. I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT. Now I feel so nervous, sweating or rather glowing as my high school teacher would say that's what girls do, almost as if I'm on a first date and I must say the right thing at all costs. Think think think. Be cool.
Oh, been doing that long?
Yes, I grow my own weed.
Oh right, does it grow high? DOES IT GROW HIGH - WHAT SORT OF STUPID COMMENT IS THAT AND NOW I SOUND LIKE I'M ENCOURAGING THIS COTTAGE INDUSTRY. RIGHT, I AM A LAW ABIDING CITIZEN SO I AM GOING TO SAY SOMETHING LAW ABIDING CITIZEN LIKE RIGHT NOW.
You don't sell to kids to you?
Oh well, that's good but I still don't agree with it you know. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN - DON'T AGREE WITH IT. I SOUND LIKE I AM PROTESTING ABOUT THE PRICE OF LECCY. WHAT DOES HE CARE WHAT I THINK ANYWAY.
It's good business M'aam.
GOOD, AT LEAST HE CALLED ME THAT - HE KNOWS I AM OLD AND SENSIBLE. NOW I THINK SHOULD I TRY AND MEMORISE HIS FEATURES FOR DOMINICA CRIMEWATCH. TALL, DARK, SUNGLASSES AND STRANGE PUDDING HAT. THAT SHOULD DO THE TRICK, THEY WILL CATCH HIM IMMEDIATELY.
Right, I say, in my best bossy voice, I am stopping here, out you get. I have never said 'out you get' to anyone but it seemed appropriate here.
Thanks, see you around.
GOSH, NOT IF I SEE YOU FIRST I THOUGHT BUT NODDED ENCOURAGINGLY, SORT OF.
Never a dull moment hey.